Throwing in the Blogspot Towel - EDIT

Ok seriously people this is getting ridiculous. I can't maneuver pictures around without ruining my entire blog, and for each picture I add, the spaces grow exponentially. So I have to go around deleting spaces with increasing frustration. Or I have to upload the pictures IN THE RIGHT ORDER (cause try moving them afterwards and you're in for a real treat.. not.) and then write my blog around them

I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!

I know I've been here for around 3 years, but I can NOT stand it any longer, Blogspot has done something with their system and I don't like it.

Just letting you know, I'll be hopefully moving to a new address. Or doing SOMETHING to save my sanity.

If any of you know how to fix this, please let me know, cause I really don't want to go through the hassle of moving and changing everything.

Thanks.

EDIT -

Ok, thanks to my awesome Sister-Inlaw Angie (I owe you babysitting) I've updated my editor, and now it looks new and shinny and didn't add a billion spaces to this post just because I wanted to edit it.  So far so good, hopefully this means I can stay.  We'll see.

Truth is stranger than fiction

Here's a conversation I had with a my charming cohort, who basically keeps me sane while at work. Though from the convo below I don't think sane is the right word..

Susan: I always say god and jesus have senses of humor..just lookit the platypus

Amber: So true. Just imagining what went behind some of the creatures..like me playing with clay! I have this awesome idea and then... what they heck did I make? Oh well, we'll put it somewhere no one goes a lot.

Susan: roflmao

Amber: thats why all the freaky looking fish are at the very bottom of the ocean

Susan: omgosh ROFLMAO!!!!!! X A BILLIONTY

Escape - sounds better when Dory says it.

Do you usually have to deal with chicken nuggets in between the seats of your car, Mr. Radio ad man? Because I don’t.

Laser hair removal isn’t cool, it’s unnatural and probably will be the leading cause of the Zombie apocalypse.

The best-misused word ever is ‘duct’. And in the roofing industry it is misused a LOT, and from all the repair descriptions I’ve read, I’m pretty sure ducts (always spelled: ducks) shouldn’t be allowed on roofs anymore.

Is it possible to kill a whole state? Because Idaho has got to go. Cindy-sue and Bobo need to move as does his family so that I can kill Idaho.

Mottos work, dude. I have a sticky note that reminds me daily to "think before I freak out" and you know what? It WORKS! Motto’s – the new lifesaver. Yum! It’s probably all cinnamony and delicious..

Even when my hair is the longest it ever been, it’s still too short.

King of Perssia is the best name for a city EVER! Do they have a King? Cause they totally should. Maybe everyone is King there, you know like a title without authority, because an entire city full of kings with authority would suck. That way girls could actually be princesses. Yup, I am now moving to King of Perssia.

Just because I stop chewing the inside of my mouth doesn't mean I can start on my tongue. Seriously me, stop!!

Boys will be boys even when they are men.

"I must be butter, because I'm on a roll.. "*laughing my bum off * such a silly phrase, makes me giggle

You know, I actually don't like Elvis, or Michael Jackson. Nothing about them do I like.

I love Katty Perry's song Mannequin though. "I want to hit you just to see if you'd cry". Girl after my own heart.

Proof of why I think I'm being followed around a'la Truman Show: I was at work and just logged into Staples Link to make my monthly order. Just as my screen poped up the radio announcer said "When was the last time you bought anything at Staples? Never right! That's why they aren't doing so well, until now.. blah blah blah..." Ya I was totally making an order right NOW! Thank you very much. Seriously my company alone could keep them in business.

Enough with all the spacing Blogspot, for reals, there are blogs somewhere that don't have any spaces! Ever think of anyone besides yourself? Why not share the space, huh?

Does this blog remind anyone of Twitter?

10 things I like about Twix.

I think it’s time that I talk to you about my writing. I haven’t done that in, lets see…ten posts! And that was eight months ago. So being the surprising and inventive person that I am I tell you ten new things that I’ve done.

1: I have officially declared the first rough draft of my novel unfit for mammal, and some arachnids, consumption. And to those who did actually read it, I owe you so much you have no idea! I will do anything to make it up to you: give you money, baby-sit, clean your house spotless, repair your car, I draw the line at sexual favors though.

2. I have gleefully bounced around the house after a very productive editing session. Now, I get excited easily, but it takes a little bit more than just bubble wrap to get me to actually bounce. Something about finding the right words, spelling them right and putting it altogether and have it actually say something cool is just AWESOME!

3. Made us miss half of church because I wanted Grants opinion on a certain edit. In my defense I started asking him really early in the morning, so it wasn’t ten minutes to 11 o’clock when the whole editing started. It just took that long. Cause he had to fix a lot of thigns

4.Listened to Austin Land for the fortieth time and decided my novel doesn’t have enough spoken feelings in it.

5. Listened to this Alvin book Grant is listening to and decided my novel doesn’t need all the mushy feelings crap.

6. Realized I don’t have ten new things I’ve done with my novel.

7. Been editing random scenes (pick a number between 1 and 119) by isolating them, editing it until it turns blue (I literally change the font color*) and then slapping it back into the novel document. I’ve been doing this for the past two months.

8.A lot of things that have absolutely nothing to do with writing, which makes me feel guilty and I actually pine for my novel and to edit it. Or may be it’s just I want to write. I really do like my story.

9. Get depressed sometimes and wonder why the heck I’m even worrying about editing it, if it’s never going to be published.

10. Decided I’ll self publish like a dozen copies, then it’ll be rare and only closest friends and family will be able to read it. But then they will let other people borrow it because it’s soo awesome, and then those people will want it and ask where they can get one, but they can’t get one because there are only 12, and I have like 6 of them. But they don’t know that so they are at Barns and Noble asking, and Barns and Noble is getting all upset cause there are swarms of people asking for a book they have never heard of, so they start asking their vendors who ask their publishers who start seeing dollar signs so THEY COME TO ME, after going on an adventure very much like National Treasurer to find my whereabouts. And then they beg to publish my book and then TADA! I’m a published author and I didn’t even have to do anything.

Yup, that’s the plan, which is now trademarked and protected by dragons and swords and elves, so don’t even think about stealing it.

*the blue lets me know what I’ve edited and what I haven’t.

p.s I really like Twix, I even put them in the GoldFish jingle. Because they're so delicious.

Littles say the best things.

So this idea has been tickling my writers bug for a long time, and he finally called uncle and now I have to write it. (Little sell out)


So when I was a primary Teacher I learned many many things, most of them involving Spiderman. Some were vaguely Sunday school related, the rest complete and utter, wonderful, randomness.



I wrote a lot of them down, and was once going to publish it here, but decided I had other things to do.


Not anymore.

So if all goes as planned I'll have at least a monthly post about silly things Littles have said to me (I call children: Littles, because they're littler than me, even the ones that aren't)

I am going to keep all names and associations private, cause that's just plan nice.

Except this one, because it's written somewhere that sisters have to tease brothers.

This was eight years ago, so Budder-boy was around three, making me a charming and beautiful 18 ish.


I was driving home from picking Mr. Little up at his cousins house. As we drove I tried to make pleasant, fun conversation with him, the topic of choice not being about Spiderman, but of the return visit of my sister from her Nanny gig up in Boise Idaho. We talked about her taking care of the family of four boys, and what we were going to make her do when she finally got home.

Budder paused for a moment looking out the window and pondering in the way only three-ish year olds can. Finally stating, very convincingly, that:


When I grow up, I'm going to move to Girlsy, and babysit girls.

And you know what, it makes total sense. I hope he does some day.

Stuff that seems utterly pointless but is comical at the same time. Win win.

Just silly, random crap I’ve been thinking about lately:

I doubt anyone else has ever been asked to be a Hussy, by their Bishop. Was that like a calling? Who would I ask about this?

Does anyone else eat straight edibles (ie: baby carrots, Twix) by putting them in their mouth so they stick straight out and then casually nom on them until they are completely in their mouth and then chomp the rest?

Why is it that anything worth posting on Facebook is automatically cheapened because you posted it on Facebook? Facebook is just asking for the mindless, often cryptic, horribly misspelled, and truly inane comments it gets every single second of every single day.

This is why Twitter sucks even more, it has no redeeming feature such as: games and/or photo galleries.

Does anybody else have a billion names for their cat? Cause I swear I only use his real name once a month. I even made up a song all about Jelly Bean kitties and all their colors.. and I'll stop now.

I should really stop biting the inside of my mouth, it hurts a lot sometimes.

You are never alone in the world. Even if you do something that no one else could POSSIBLY do, not only has someone done it, they probably did it before you. It’s kinda depressing.

Having severe dyslexia and ADD is actually pretty interesting. It’s like being your own sudoku puzzle, you have to look at the sentence/word/phrase at many different angles and ways before you can figure out what you just read. And by that time your imagination has taken wing to everything you’ve thought you read and has started it’s own story, which is way more fun and will be killer cool when your Sims re-enact it later.

I'm still being followed around like Jim Carry in the Truman show, I'm not even joking, and there isn't a single thing you can say that will make me change my mind. Because, you know, that's what your supposed to say.

Writing a story is like talking to your imaginary friends. My friends are kinda mean and needy..

That’s all for now!!

Ok last one, does anyone else think Blogspot is being stupid? I cringe when I want to put pictures up and the whole double spacing war is a losing battle. Forever shall my posts be triple space and span the entire screen of your monitor.

Part 3: The Insanity!

(UPDATED: See below for updates)

Wow, part three. By a show of hands, who here is

A. Surprised I've stretched this story out this far.

B. Surprised I updated at all.

C. Surprised I have this much of a life to write about.

D. All of the above.

(Just in case you are wondering, I'd take all answers but A. )

On with my story: It was a dark and stormy prevning* in a month before July that I and my awesome friend who is awesomely still my friend, agreed to make a wedding cake for yet another awesome friends brothers wedding. (I'll give you a sec to re-read that)

The cake was darling and simple and I was excited to pull out my disposable piping bags again. This was before I had my surgery scheduled. But even when I was aware of the timing, everything still seemed to fit. Hurray.

And then another awesome friend needed a cake. This time for her own wedding, and I couldn't say NO! If one cake aroused the decorator in me then another could bed it back down and I wouldn't end up with pounds of random pointless cake at my house, again.

As Fate would have it, and Karma, and probably Ying and Yang mixed together with fung shui my Awesome-still-my-friend Friend was asked to make a cake!!

At this point, why the heck not, right?

Chaos looked something like this:

Surgery July 14

First cake July 30

Second Cake August 4th

Third Cake August 5th

And we aren't talking quick single layer cakes either. We're talking about WEDDING CAKES! These are important. These are the showcase, these get put in a place of honor so that they can shine and tell the world about it's bride and groom! Wedding ANYTHING is a big freaking deal, Brides complain about not finding the right color amongst a billion perfect colors, they aren't going to miss that you "accidentally" put an elephant on their cake and not roses.

I know I said it only took five days for me to get back on my feet, well I sorta kinda lied. Yes I was on my feet, but as anyone who saw me on my feet can attest, I shouldn't have been there. I have this thing about doing nothing, I hate it. It actually makes me feel worse to "relax". Sitting around and healing? Nah, that's for all those other people, I had to get up and be fabulous.

Was I in pain? You better believe it. Did I almost pass out more times then anyone really knows? You sure bet I did. Did I lift things behind peoples back just so I could prove I could? Righty-roo! Did I relapse a couple times? Darn toot'in I did.

Don't ask me why I did any of this to myself, because all this comes from the same mind that brought you:

If I just cut off/bit off/remove the hurting part of my body, I'll feel better.

(Grant has learned to ask me first how I got injured before he hears me complain. The rule in our house is if it's self inflicted on purpose, there shall be no whining)

Have you ever baked a cake? If you have, then you've undoubtedly covered your kitchen with batter and flour and chocolate, had a sink piled high with dishes, and had kids/pets running around? Ok, now imagine doing all that in my kitchen, which is about five times smaller than yours.

Ya, so you'll understand why we moved the whole party to my moms house. Whose kitchen is five times larger than a school cafeteria. (Ok not really, but compared to mine it is) With just as many ovens (this becomes important, stay tuned).

Even with the magical kitchen of Oz, Amazing Friend and I still prepared for a whole week to get things in order. And, believe it or not, all our anti-stress tactics worked!

Organization and planning, who knew?

Everything for all three cakes were made before hand, days in advance. By the time we hauled Cake and Company to my moms we were feeling good and ready to kick some cake. (no cakes were actually kicked .. that we know of)

Our first day rocked, however it was cut short because my mom had promised to throw a bridal shower that day, and it's kind of tacky to make one brides wedding cake in the midst of a another brides shower.

Everything was put away, and the party was a hit, not to mention clean and sans all cake except the Barbie Bride cake I made while I was supposed to be making another cake.. ya that sounds strange to me too.

Wedding cake number one resumed the next day, bright and early. If only we had known what laid in store for us. I would have had it recorded.

It was a Saturday so the entire household was in and out of the kitchen most of the day. Sometimes just passing through, sometimes helping or grabbing a piece of chocolate and running, but they never left with out commenting.

In those two days at my family's home Awesome-still-my-friend Friend found out more about me then she had in the 5 years we've lived by each other. To my intense embarrassment. One of the things she learned was where I get my quirky side from, and (I love you, don't hate me) my dim-wittedness.

Around lunch time everyone congregated in the kitchen, because ya know, that's where the food is. Everyone was laughing, and talking and making some sort of edible item, all of which involved ovens. Now at this point Wedding cake Ono was completely baked, frosted and fondanted leaving just the pretty bits to be placed and arranged.

So when I smelled smoke, as I was washing my hands (for literally the hundredth time) and asked "What's burning" and got the reply of "CAKE!!!" You can imagine my horror! Picture if you will a three layer round cake covered end to end in rolled out marshmallows, on fire**.

That picture lanced through my mind as I spun quickly to see that no, my cake was not on fire, but a quick look in the oven (that had been hastily opened by my brother) showed that Barbie was.

As was a platter of cookies that had been left in there to chill. What had caught fire was the dripping frosting from Barbies dress onto the heating coil at the bottom.

Honestly I wish I had my video recorder, everything went by so quickly and so humorously that I'm sure we could have won all the prizes on America's Funniest home Videos.

Simultaneously people started running around trying to douse the wee flames in the bottom of the top oven. Water was recommended of course, but we didn't let it stop there; a fire extinguisher materialized, (only to be put on the counter to watch the action) a moist towelette arrived , though a little confused and out of sorts and flour*** became a brief option until it was traded in favor of a mystery bottle from under the sink.

Awesome-still-my-friend Friend, Sissy-Inlaw and I watched on in comedic horror as my parents and brother tried to put the fire out. Apparently the threat of a fire wasn't enough to discourage us working on the cake, are we hard core or what?

Once the mystery bottle was unleashed, things really started to heat up. Literally, for while my dad vehemently attested to it's "watery-ness" when it was squirted onto the, maybe five inch flames, they shot up 200%, licking the upper cabinets.

Sound exploded out of the house in the form of yells, curses, laughter and maybe a whimper from my Friend. While everyone, including myself, tried to explain to my dad that "THAT IS NOT WATER!" my other self was looking at the fire extinguisher wondering if it was actually going to join the party soon, and if Me running for the back door with a million pound cake was going to happen.

It didn't, but what did happen was another test run of the mystery bottle, this time "washed out". Again flames licked the cabinets. Not a surprise to the rest of us, who were all, in our own way, telling my dad to put the bottle down and back away slowly.

The best part of all this was that we were all laughing, like fire was a stand up comedian or something, we loved it! After a few more power struggles, and an explanation that 'flour is flammable and baking soda was probably what they meant to say', wet and real water was used and the drama was over.

Well not completely, my dad had to try a last ditch attempt at proving that the mystery bottle was just water. He triumphantly squirted it into his mouth, and then ran for the sink.

I don't think we found out what truly was in the bottle, but my dad is fine, and I still love him to absolute pieces. As I do this cake, those coughcakepopscough next to it however I do not. Feel free to play the "guess what these look like" cake-pop game in the comment section. My family was getting pretty creative in their descriptions.

The following cakes were not nearly so fantastical in their creating, but were no less fun! Both were very close together so they didn't get the personalized treatment that Cake Un did. Even still I think they came out splendidly. All frosting and fondant was already made for them so again all we had to do was make the cakes and decorate.

It was these cakes that took me out of my comfort zone as far as decorating went. They required FLOWERS, and while I learned how to make several ie: royal icing pansy, roses, drop flowers ect. and fondant roses, I had never learned gum paste. They didn't offer those classes when I was taking them.

Luckily for me ASMF-Friend is the new Wilton instructor at the Bountiful Michaels, and she's a wizard when it comes to making gum paste flowers. She made the majority of them, but I learned quickly and they turned out amazing!!!!! (yes they need that many exclamation points)

Our final cakes did just what I wanted them to do: leave me with no desire left to make another cake for a very long time. I'm not saying I wasn't satisfied and awed by what can be achieved by over whelmed, post surgery and almost flambéed ladies, because those cakes looked AWESOME. But I am saying that the more cakes I make, the more I remember why I don't want to make cakes.

So Part 4 was going to be something, but now it's nothing because I can't remember what I was going to write.

So after this we will be going back to our irregularly scheduled blog postings.

Love ya'll

UPDATE!!
So I totally forgot to mention that my darling Sister-sue asked me to make a baby-shower cake for her the weekend before the cake chaos started. This is what she got:

*qouted from the best show EVER, name it and I"ll say something nice about you in my next post. I swear it.
** Actually that sounds pretty awesome, no really, do you think it'll puff up and get golden crispy??
***Yes it really did.. sadly.