Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Haven't blogged in a while. How about a rant?

For the most part I’d like to think of myself as a very up beat person. I don’t hold grudges, and get over things rather quickly. Life is just to short to be upset.

That said there are a few aspects of life I will lay down my flower and put on some boxing gloves for. There are only a few and those who know me steer clear of them because I will fight it, and I fight dirty. Fortunatly for them it’s relatively easy to avoid the subjects.

Well not so easy as all that.

Yesterday I was offended to the enth degree by someone I already wasn’t on very good terms with due to previous acts of ignorance. I wanted to call them out then and there but was restrained do to the playing field. Which was ****, and I was told it would be VERY rude to post such a public back lash. That only made me want to do it more. I was however talked out of it, so to speak..

The compromise was that I could blog about it, on a blog that, that person wont probably ever read. I still don’t see where the compromise is, but eh *shrugs* I still get to vent. And hopefully stop others from doing the same thing.

Alright, so I’m sure you’re all on the edge of your seat to know what this is all about huh? Well why don’t I tell you what happened to offend me so much THEN I will explain why.

Me: Did a quiz
Allysen: comments that she got the same result.
Offender: “Hate to state the obvious ladies, but you are twins.”

(side note a mutual friend got the SAME results too, are we triplets?)

Ok class see anything wrong with that statement? Yes! You’re right she is implying we are a single entity.

Can anyone tell me what is wrong with that thinking? No Jimmy that’s incorrect. Twins are TWO different people go out into the hall and never come back mmk?

Hello everyone I’m Amber and I’m a fertenal twin. I’ve been free from the twin stigma for five years *claps* My sister and I however have never been closer *claps*

Thats right, I hate being a twin. I hate everything there is about being a twin. On the upside though I don’t hate my sister, I thought I did at one point because she was the source of all my problems and discriminating. But she’s just as much a victim as I am.

If twins are alike (not visually I’ll talk about that later) it’s because they were raised by the same parents!! Just like other normal non-twin siblings. Twins go to the same school at the same time because they were born in time for that age group, just like all of their classmates. Twins are nothing more then siblings that came at the same time! They are seperate individuals, and deserve to be treated as such!

I am not a shell, I am not a ghost, I am not lacking by myself, I am a normal person. Give twins the right to individualize! Unless you yourself are a twin you will never know what it’s really like. Its not accurate to say that I’m compared to my sister, people just expect us to be the same. Living my life as a twin has been the pinnacle hardships.

Never to have anything for yourself, nothing to claim as yours. And why should there be? Its so cute to dress twins the same way: They have matching wardrobes. They have one birthday, one party, one/same gift. They have the same school, classmates think its only right to be both of their friends. Why should they be treated as individuals when so obviously there’s only one person!

One thing you learn well as a twin is to be selfish, if your not you’ll never have anything that is your own. No matter how hard I tried to separate myself it never worked, I only caused heartache. I didn’t think it was such a bad idea to have separate birthday parties one her way one mine, but apparently that’s just not done with twins. Eventually I gave up my birthday, it was not a special unique day that I could call my own.

If by some miracle people noticed we were different they got upset and preferred us to act like twins.

To quote book I recently read: “It’s a curious Idea. I should have thought the opposite, wouldn’t you? That you could expect them to be more alike than dissimilar?”

How cruel is that for a growing child? The author spoke of shadows, and ghost twins there she had some insight. We are very much shadows of each other, where one succeeds, one learns the other does as well, due to over active parenting or school teachers. theres no singular triumph.
Can you imagine sharing every Event in your life? Graduation, Birthdays, First days of School, First Car, all those firsts are not yours to cherish but to share.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister. A love that transcends all sibling affection, it’s the very fact that I’m a twin, which has diminished our relationship. Where teens would rebel against parents, or teachers; I rebelled against my twin, as hard as it was to leave my family I did gladly and don’t regret a thing, it was necessary to achieve a life outside of our forced unification.

How humiliating is it to be objectified as the ultimate sexual desire. Oh if I had a nickel for all the times I was asked if my sister can join us on a date.

Life as a twin is not as glamorous as anyone thinks. Of course I can’t speak for all twins. But I can speak for myself.

Please for the love of humanity treat twins as seperate beings. I can’t tell you how agonizing it is to be called Twinner, or asked where my other half is. I think for my entire time at school I was called Allysen as much if not more then Amber. And the worst part was, no one CARED. Apaprently you’re not expected to tell twins apart, and they(the twin pair in question) doesn’t care either, comes with the territory.

Oh and then theres the “Which ones Which” game and people tell you all the tricks they have to tell you apart. Ambers got a higher voice, Allysens taller; the game goes on and on then people start priding themselves on Not needing tricks we just look different!! Ya THINK!?

Heres were being a Fraternal (two seperate eggs) twin and an Identical (one egg splits) twin differ. And I will grant nontwins the uncertainty of telling them apart, I can’t even tell Identicals apart sometimes but I do my utmost to learn about the individual and thats how I tell them apart. Ie: John dresses this way because he’s more picky and likes to look nice.

They are still differnt people, they just LOOk alike, not their fault. Again tell me you’ve never seen a family that all the kids look the same and none of them are twins? Same thing.

Have I ranted enough? I’m getting tired. I think I have. Well class hope you learned something and wont make the same mistake as Mrs. Offender did.


Eric and Jill said...

Okay, So I knew from the second I saw that comment you were not going to like it. I always knew how sensitive you were about being a twin and I remember several conversations we have had about it through the years. Because of this experience I hope I have never treated you like you were supposed to be the same, I hope. You're not. I know you two are far more opposite than the same. I think people just like to use it as a cop-out answer. As if to say, well that proves it than...they're twins. Totally original.
You should also know that looking back on my childhood, my sisters and I all dressed the same, had the same pjs, slept in the same room from the time we were born til we graduated...some of the things you noted as being twins is more just being sisters. Of course my mother may have just been really weird, you never know. (She may have secretly wished we twins?)
Don't worry though Amber because I think the majority of the world considers you as an individual now. Your other half has become Grant not Ally. Besides with Ally being so far away, not many even have to know you're a twin anymore, just that you have sisters.
I am sorry that she offended you. I hope you felt better for your rant and I don't think its bad to remind this individual of the problems that come from forgetting such an important subject to you. And as a very important note... you shouldn't neglet your birthday, its a very important occasion. Everyone should want presents and I think you should be concerned if you don't really agree!
I love you and miss my dear friend. Don't worry though cause Utah is not off our list yet. We may be neighbors...eventually.

The Gramber Bies said...

Oh Jillie-Bean *hugs* You're such a sweet girl. I love and miss you so much!!

I was trying to get across that YES twins are just like sisters, we're not really that different then normal sisters, we just came at the same time! Thats why I don't understand why we get/got treated like the same being.

Yes I had a couple people tell me as soon as they saw that they held their breath waiting for me to respond.

I had an AWESOME come back too, it wasn't even that rude it was like
"Since when does being a twin equate to being a heinously ugly literary character" Something like that. Grant and Allysen both talked me out of saying it though.

And to be fair that was the nicest thing I could think of at the time.

for the record you never did treat us the same, and I thank you. Yes now that we are apart it's easier, though I do miss her greatly.

Last note: I do try to make the most of my birthday, but it still takes the back seat.

Its ok though Grant makes me priority and thats all that matters.

Katie said...

I didn't even know you were a twin. I am sorry it has been so hard. I have friends who dream of having twins, and I truly hope I don't. Although I only thought of it from my perspective of being hard enough to have one at a time, not sleeping much at night. I can only imagine I would get no sleep with two at a time.
I hope I never offend you or any twins. I grew up with identical twin boys in my neighborhood who loved being twins. They played so many April fools jokes. Now they are married, built identical houses right nest to each other, one bought a lawn mower the other bought a snow blower.
My sister is 7 years older than me and if my picture were in black and white people would think we were twins, and I always hated looking like my sister so I can imagine sharing everything was really hard on you. Does your mother know how you feel? I can't imagine that she wouldn't have tried to help you out a little if she knew how much you hated sharing everything.

The Gramber Bies said...

Thanks, yes she knew/knows and she is really good about it.

The thing is what MOM would know what to do? Your friends LOVED being twins, I'm sure more love it then not.. I'm just an odd ball I guess.

I may get a little rankled at times but I do understand, now anyway and like I said this person had already stepped on toes before so thats probably why I reacted so harshly. Multiple offences.

Irish Roxs said...

Amber I'm glad you could rant; and some where that said person won't read it because I do think that it would hurt her feelings. I love you too! And just to set some thing straight, I love being your sister, Twin or not. I am closer with you then anyone else in the family because we had to go through so much together.
It has pulled us apart and brought us together. If there is anything I can do to make things easier just let me know (because you know I like being a twin, and I can take things to far). And I totally agree with Jill, Grant is now your other half, significant other, and I say good luck to Him! I love you dearest, always and forever!

Okie said...

I'm sure Lynette would love to commiserate with you (and probably has). The worst bit I've been privy to was when an old friend of Lynette ended up later dating and marrying her twin and his mother said "oh, he fell in love with the face and married the twin" or something like that.

So lame.

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

I have the amazing good fortune of having not only twin nieces, but two sets of them! I'm very proud of the fact that when talking about them, I have never said, "the twins". I've always used both of their names because I've never felt two people should be lumped together like that.

Twins are very definitely different people. More often than not, their personalities aren't very similar. Sure, there may be some similarities in likes and dislikes, but no more than any other siblings. You just can't grow up with someone and not be influenced similarly because you've shared so many of the same experiences. Nothing whatsoever to do with being a twin... ;)

The Gramber Bies said...

I like you anonymous commenter :D Thanks for reading

Anonymous said...

That was me, I forgot to sign it.


The Gramber Bies said...

I like the anonymous commenter even MORE!!! Thankies Uncle Jeffy, that does make me feel good that you do that.