Monday, November 28, 2011

Escape - sounds better when Dory says it.

Do you usually have to deal with chicken nuggets in between the seats of your car, Mr. Radio ad man? Because I don’t.

Laser hair removal isn’t cool, it’s unnatural and probably will be the leading cause of the Zombie apocalypse.

The best-misused word ever is ‘duct’. And in the roofing industry it is misused a LOT, and from all the repair descriptions I’ve read, I’m pretty sure ducts (always spelled: ducks) shouldn’t be allowed on roofs anymore.

Is it possible to kill a whole state? Because Idaho has got to go. Cindy-sue and Bobo need to move as does his family so that I can kill Idaho.

Mottos work, dude. I have a sticky note that reminds me daily to "think before I freak out" and you know what? It WORKS! Motto’s – the new lifesaver. Yum! It’s probably all cinnamony and delicious..

Even when my hair is the longest it ever been, it’s still too short.

King of Perssia is the best name for a city EVER! Do they have a King? Cause they totally should. Maybe everyone is King there, you know like a title without authority, because an entire city full of kings with authority would suck. That way girls could actually be princesses. Yup, I am now moving to King of Perssia.

Just because I stop chewing the inside of my mouth doesn't mean I can start on my tongue. Seriously me, stop!!

Boys will be boys even when they are men.

"I must be butter, because I'm on a roll.. "*laughing my bum off * such a silly phrase, makes me giggle

You know, I actually don't like Elvis, or Michael Jackson. Nothing about them do I like.

I love Katty Perry's song Mannequin though. "I want to hit you just to see if you'd cry". Girl after my own heart.

Proof of why I think I'm being followed around a'la Truman Show: I was at work and just logged into Staples Link to make my monthly order. Just as my screen poped up the radio announcer said "When was the last time you bought anything at Staples? Never right! That's why they aren't doing so well, until now.. blah blah blah..." Ya I was totally making an order right NOW! Thank you very much. Seriously my company alone could keep them in business.

Enough with all the spacing Blogspot, for reals, there are blogs somewhere that don't have any spaces! Ever think of anyone besides yourself? Why not share the space, huh?

Does this blog remind anyone of Twitter?

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

10 things I like about Twix.

I think it’s time that I talk to you about my writing. I haven’t done that in, lets see…ten posts! And that was eight months ago. So being the surprising and inventive person that I am I tell you ten new things that I’ve done.

1: I have officially declared the first rough draft of my novel unfit for mammal, and some arachnids, consumption. And to those who did actually read it, I owe you so much you have no idea! I will do anything to make it up to you: give you money, baby-sit, clean your house spotless, repair your car, I draw the line at sexual favors though.

2. I have gleefully bounced around the house after a very productive editing session. Now, I get excited easily, but it takes a little bit more than just bubble wrap to get me to actually bounce. Something about finding the right words, spelling them right and putting it altogether and have it actually say something cool is just AWESOME!

3. Made us miss half of church because I wanted Grants opinion on a certain edit. In my defense I started asking him really early in the morning, so it wasn’t ten minutes to 11 o’clock when the whole editing started. It just took that long. Cause he had to fix a lot of thigns

4.Listened to Austin Land for the fortieth time and decided my novel doesn’t have enough spoken feelings in it.

5. Listened to this Alvin book Grant is listening to and decided my novel doesn’t need all the mushy feelings crap.

6. Realized I don’t have ten new things I’ve done with my novel.

7. Been editing random scenes (pick a number between 1 and 119) by isolating them, editing it until it turns blue (I literally change the font color*) and then slapping it back into the novel document. I’ve been doing this for the past two months.

8.A lot of things that have absolutely nothing to do with writing, which makes me feel guilty and I actually pine for my novel and to edit it. Or may be it’s just I want to write. I really do like my story.

9. Get depressed sometimes and wonder why the heck I’m even worrying about editing it, if it’s never going to be published.

10. Decided I’ll self publish like a dozen copies, then it’ll be rare and only closest friends and family will be able to read it. But then they will let other people borrow it because it’s soo awesome, and then those people will want it and ask where they can get one, but they can’t get one because there are only 12, and I have like 6 of them. But they don’t know that so they are at Barns and Noble asking, and Barns and Noble is getting all upset cause there are swarms of people asking for a book they have never heard of, so they start asking their vendors who ask their publishers who start seeing dollar signs so THEY COME TO ME, after going on an adventure very much like National Treasurer to find my whereabouts. And then they beg to publish my book and then TADA! I’m a published author and I didn’t even have to do anything.

Yup, that’s the plan, which is now trademarked and protected by dragons and swords and elves, so don’t even think about stealing it.

*the blue lets me know what I’ve edited and what I haven’t.

p.s I really like Twix, I even put them in the GoldFish jingle. Because they're so delicious.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Littles say the best things.

So this idea has been tickling my writers bug for a long time, and he finally called uncle and now I have to write it. (Little sell out)

So when I was a primary Teacher I learned many many things, most of them involving Spiderman. Some were vaguely Sunday school related, the rest complete and utter, wonderful, randomness.

I wrote a lot of them down, and was once going to publish it here, but decided I had other things to do.

Not anymore.

So if all goes as planned I'll have at least a monthly post about silly things Littles have said to me (I call children: Littles, because they're littler than me, even the ones that aren't)

I am going to keep all names and associations private, cause that's just plan nice.

Except this one, because it's written somewhere that sisters have to tease brothers.

This was eight years ago, so Budder-boy was around three, making me a charming and beautiful 18 ish.

I was driving home from picking Mr. Little up at his cousins house. As we drove I tried to make pleasant, fun conversation with him, the topic of choice not being about Spiderman, but of the return visit of my sister from her Nanny gig up in Boise Idaho. We talked about her taking care of the family of four boys, and what we were going to make her do when she finally got home.

Budder paused for a moment looking out the window and pondering in the way only three-ish year olds can. Finally stating, very convincingly, that:

When I grow up, I'm going to move to Girlsy, and babysit girls.

And you know what, it makes total sense. I hope he does some day.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Stuff that seems utterly pointless but is comical at the same time. Win win.

Just silly, random crap I’ve been thinking about lately:

I doubt anyone else has ever been asked to be a Hussy, by their Bishop. Was that like a calling? Who would I ask about this?

Does anyone else eat straight edibles (ie: baby carrots, Twix) by putting them in their mouth so they stick straight out and then casually nom on them until they are completely in their mouth and then chomp the rest?

Why is it that anything worth posting on Facebook is automatically cheapened because you posted it on Facebook? Facebook is just asking for the mindless, often cryptic, horribly misspelled, and truly inane comments it gets every single second of every single day.

This is why Twitter sucks even more, it has no redeeming feature such as: games and/or photo galleries.

Does anybody else have a billion names for their cat? Cause I swear I only use his real name once a month. I even made up a song all about Jelly Bean kitties and all their colors.. and I'll stop now.

I should really stop biting the inside of my mouth, it hurts a lot sometimes.

You are never alone in the world. Even if you do something that no one else could POSSIBLY do, not only has someone done it, they probably did it before you. It’s kinda depressing.

Having severe dyslexia and ADD is actually pretty interesting. It’s like being your own sudoku puzzle, you have to look at the sentence/word/phrase at many different angles and ways before you can figure out what you just read. And by that time your imagination has taken wing to everything you’ve thought you read and has started it’s own story, which is way more fun and will be killer cool when your Sims re-enact it later.

I'm still being followed around like Jim Carry in the Truman show, I'm not even joking, and there isn't a single thing you can say that will make me change my mind. Because, you know, that's what your supposed to say.

Writing a story is like talking to your imaginary friends. My friends are kinda mean and needy..

That’s all for now!!

Ok last one, does anyone else think Blogspot is being stupid? I cringe when I want to put pictures up and the whole double spacing war is a losing battle. Forever shall my posts be triple space and span the entire screen of your monitor.