I think it’s time that I talk to you about my writing. I haven’t done that in, lets see…ten posts! And that was eight months ago. So being the surprising and inventive person that I am I tell you ten new things that I’ve done.
1: I have officially declared the first rough draft of my novel unfit for mammal, and some arachnids, consumption. And to those who did actually read it, I owe you so much you have no idea! I will do anything to make it up to you: give you money, baby-sit, clean your house spotless, repair your car, I draw the line at sexual favors though.
2. I have gleefully bounced around the house after a very productive editing session. Now, I get excited easily, but it takes a little bit more than just bubble wrap to get me to actually bounce. Something about finding the right words, spelling them right and putting it altogether and have it actually say something cool is just AWESOME!
3. Made us miss half of church because I wanted Grants opinion on a certain edit. In my defense I started asking him really early in the morning, so it wasn’t ten minutes to 11 o’clock when the whole editing started. It just took that long. Cause he had to fix a lot of thigns
4.Listened to Austin Land for the fortieth time and decided my novel doesn’t have enough spoken feelings in it.
5. Listened to this Alvin book Grant is listening to and decided my novel doesn’t need all the mushy feelings crap.
6. Realized I don’t have ten new things I’ve done with my novel.
7. Been editing random scenes (pick a number between 1 and 119) by isolating them, editing it until it turns blue (I literally change the font color*) and then slapping it back into the novel document. I’ve been doing this for the past two months.
8.A lot of things that have absolutely nothing to do with writing, which makes me feel guilty and I actually pine for my novel and to edit it. Or may be it’s just I want to write. I really do like my story.
9. Get depressed sometimes and wonder why the heck I’m even worrying about editing it, if it’s never going to be published.
10. Decided I’ll self publish like a dozen copies, then it’ll be rare and only closest friends and family will be able to read it. But then they will let other people borrow it because it’s soo awesome, and then those people will want it and ask where they can get one, but they can’t get one because there are only 12, and I have like 6 of them. But they don’t know that so they are at Barns and Noble asking, and Barns and Noble is getting all upset cause there are swarms of people asking for a book they have never heard of, so they start asking their vendors who ask their publishers who start seeing dollar signs so THEY COME TO ME, after going on an adventure very much like National Treasurer to find my whereabouts. And then they beg to publish my book and then TADA! I’m a published author and I didn’t even have to do anything.
Yup, that’s the plan, which is now trademarked and protected by dragons and swords and elves, so don’t even think about stealing it.
p.s I really like Twix, I even put them in the GoldFish jingle. Because they're so delicious.
*the blue lets me know what I’ve edited and what I haven’t.